This is where I think, pray & process out loud. I’d love for you to join me on the journey. Please chime in on the conversation by leaving your thoughts and comments! Subscribe to my blog

Blog  /  Gratitude, Growing in the Lord  /  Be My Delight: Lessons from a Pity Party


Be My Delight: Lessons from a Pity Party

Written by: shannon  |  Found in: Gratitude, Growing in the Lord  |  9 Comments »

I was feeling so irritated a couple months ago as I sat on our bed talking on the phone with my Mom.  Truthfully, I was pouting about the fact that, due to her husband’s illness, they were on the other side of the country every year for at least four months.  Yes, I was being spoiled and had a big ol’ chip on my shoulder.  And, I must confess, I was having a hard time forgiving what wasn’t even anyone’s fault.

As I hung up the phone, I continued to wrestle with my unmet expectations, grieving the loss of time my Mom would have with her only grandson and the absence of her presence over the holidays.  I think the technical term for my state of mind would have been something akin to “pity party.”

Later that same week, I found myself having the same attitude toward my husband.  He was simply NOT meeting my needs!  How could he be so self-absorbed and so insensitive?  I mean, seriously!  Never mind the fact that I was probably so obnoxious to be around at that point that he was most likely not feeling terribly inspired to pour out his love upon me in great measure.

Well, you get the picture.  I was not in a good place.

A few days into my melancholy festivities, I was mulling over some of these destructive thoughts in my head.  I picked up a book I had just started re-reading, and, interestingly, the page I opened to just “happened” to be about forgiveness.  My eyes landed on a paragraph that said something like this (my paraphrase):  “One of the surest ways to remain captive to unforgiveness is to hold unmet expectations over the unforgiven person’s head that only God was ever meant to meet.”


In an instant, I knew this was my problem.  I wanted attention and unconditional love, and I expected my Mom to prioritize her life according to what I felt I needed.  I wanted Mark to gaze adoringly at me and desire to massage my neck whenever I felt the need arise.  And if these things didn’t happen the way I hoped, I felt rejection, anger, disappointment and was in grave danger of letting a root of bitterness grow up within me.

The truth was and is that no matter how perfectly our husband, mother, child or friend love or behave toward us, it will never be good enough.   I repeat, never.  We were never meant to seek a sense of delight or find true joy in another human being.  Freedom and forgiveness come only when we recognize that our source of fulfillment can only be found in the One who made us.  And only when the Lord becomes our source can we give and receive love imperfectly and have that be perfectly alright.

In light of this, I have a special gift for you in the form of four free song downloads, one of which is called “My Delight” from my new album “Take Heart.”  I pray it serves as a gentle reminder to run into the arms of Abba each time we attempt to transfer our longing to a barren, lifeless place.  Download here:

Would you be willing to share with me and our readers the ways you have tried to find fulfillment or delight in sources other than the Lord?  And how have you since found (or are finding) freedom?

(I originally wrote this post for in Feb 2013)

pics Shannon